More jokes

What do you get when you mix birth control with LSD?

A trip without the kids.
Sounds a lot more fun than this!

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Forgive me if you've heard it all before:

An Englishman, and Irishman and a Scot walk into a bar. The barman looks at them and asks "Is this some kind of joke??"

An Englishman covered in spots, an Irishman who is bright yellow with jaundice and a Scotsman covered in leprous sores walk into a bar. The Barman looks at them and asks "Is this some kind of sick joke??"

Four notes walk into a bar. One says "time for the next bar!"
 
Dad walks in to his teenage son's bedroom & catches him ..........!!!
He says son '' Save it til you get married''!
A couple of years pass.
Son says to his Dad on the wedding day " What do I do with that 5 gallon drum''
Reminds me of this gem of the yo mama variety.

Yo mama's such a skank, she was fired from her job at the sperm bank for drinking on the job.

Also, this.

 
How do you know you're old?

Fall down in front of a group of people, if everyone points and laughs, you're still young, if they drop things, rush to your aid and immediately call 911, just get up and go check yourself into the old folks home.

Running a business in present day.

The taxation office suspected a business owner wasn't paying proper wages to his employee and sent an auditor to investigate him.

Auditor: "I need a list of your employees and how much you pay them."

Business Owner: "Well, there's Clarence, he's been with me for 3 years. I pay him $5,000 a month plus allowances.
And then there's the mentally-challenged guy. He works about 18 hours every day and does about 90% of the work around here. He makes about $500 per month no allowances. He's stressed and depressed but I sometimes buy him food or a bottle of something so that he can cope with life. He also gets to sleep with my wife occasionally."

Auditor: "That's the guy I want to talk to - the mentally challenged one."

Business Owner: "That'll be me. What'd you want to know?"
 
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