More jokes

Just got my wife's car back from being repaired. She wouldn't have noticed the kazoos. Love the woman but the radio and audio books would have masked that in a heartbeat.
 
jwin615 said:
Altimas like that always have right of way.
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I remember coming home from Baltimore from a medical appointment. It was in the middle of the day so traffic was sparse on 95 south. I was using the express lane and doing 85 mph in the left.

Then out of nowhere i get passed by an Altima on the shoulder. It was easily doing 115.
 
darwin999 said:
Do you remember the Car Talk joke of many years ago, why does the Yugo have a rear window defogger?
It's for keeping your hands warm when push starting it...
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Ah, Click & Clack, the Tappet brothers. I used to listen to those guys all the time. Their "Eggs Prestone" recipe is classic. I also learned from them that if you see a young lady driving a Camaro 20MPH over the speed limit, there's a 95% chance her name is Donna.
 
A drummer & a bass player go fishing in the local lake. They're at it all day with nary a bite. They keep trying different spots, with no luck. Just when they're about to call it a day, the drummer hauls in a big one. Then the bass player hooks one. In half an hour, they've caught their limit. The bass player says, "this is a great spot, we should come back here next time."
So the drummer grabs a Sharpie, dives into the lake and disappears underwater. About 30 seconds later, he climbs back into the boat.
"What were you doing?" asked the bass player.
"I marked this spot so we can find it next time."
"How the hell did you do that?"
"I made a big 'X' on the bottom of the boat."
"You idiot, what if we don't rent the same boat next time?"
 
A woman is sitting in a pediatrician's examining room with a baby on her lap. The doctor arrived, examined the baby, and after checking his weight, asked if the baby was breast-fed or bottle-fed.
"Breast-fed," she replies.
"Well, strip down to your waist," the doctor ordered.
She did. He pinched her nipples, pressed, kneaded & rubbed both breasts for a while in a very professional and detailed examination. Motioning to her to get dressed, the doctor said, "No wonder this baby is underweight. You don't have any milk."
"I know," she said, "I'm his Grandma, but I'm glad I came in today."
 
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