More jokes

How about two? One that's stupid and another in really bad taste!

Q: What do you call rich peanut butter?
A: Jif Bezos.

Q: What's the difference between Paul Walker and Betty White?
A: Paul Walker hit 100 before he died.
 
Barry said:
View attachment 20502
Click to expand...
That reminds me of something my now wife and I saw years ago at Buffalo Greyhound station. We were the only people in the terminal waiting for a bus held up in the snow other than a larger lady who was eating a packet of Pringles. When she finished them she had a big packet of Lay's chips. Then a big bag of Cheetos. We were amazed - we'd never seen anything like this. Then she had a Mars bar, what looked like a Moon Pie and some Twinkies. The bit we couldn't believe? She washed it all down with a can of Tab. We almost laughed out loud! I really wanted to get up and tell her she was kidding herself! Only in America...
 
One day a florist went to a barber for a haircut. After the cut, he
asked about his bill, and the barber replied, 'I cannot accept money
from you, I'm doing community service this week.'
The florist was pleased and left the shop.
When the barber went to open his shop the next morning, there was a
'thank you' card and a dozen roses waiting for him at his door.
Later, a law enforcement officer comes in for a haircut, and when he tries to pay his bill,
the barber again replied, 'I cannot accept money from you, I'm doing
community service this week.' The cop was happy and left the shop.
The next morning when the barber went to open up, there was a 'thank
you' card and a dozen doughnuts waiting for him at his door.
Then a Member of Congress came in for a haircut, and when he went to
pay his bill, the barber again replied, 'I cannot accept money from
you. I'm doing community service this week.' The Member of Congress
was very happy and left the shop.
The next morning, when the barber went to open up, there were a dozen
Members of Congress lined up waiting for a free haircut.
And that, my friends, illustrates the fundamental difference between
the citizens of our country and the politicians who run it.
Click to expand...
 
Angus McTavish is on his deathbed when he's visited by his life-long friend Craig.

Craig: "You don't look so good, chum."
Angus: Aye, I fear I'm not long for this world. I have a favor to ask ye. When I'm dead and buried, would you be so kind as to take my finest bottle of single-malt and pour it over me grave?"
Craig: "It would be an honour, Laddie. Would you mind if I add me own personal touch and strain it through me kidneys first?"
 
A young man decides he's had enough of city life and goes off to join a monastery. During the entrance interview, the abbot tells him that they all take a vow of silence and are only allowed to speak once every 10 years. The man agrees and settles into the life of a monk. He works in the garden, studies, prays and meditates. The years pass by and he's summoned by the abbot on the 10th anniversary of his induction. The abbot asks if he has anything to say. The man replies "The bread is stale" and goes back to his prayers and meditation. Another 10 years pass and again he's summoned by the abbot. The abbot asks him "How are you getting along after being here 20 years?" The man replies, "My bed is too hard." Another decade comes and goes and again the man is summoned to the abbot's office. He look the abbot in the eye and says "I'm leaving." The abbot replies "I'm not surprised, all you've done since you've been here is complain."
 
You must log in or register to reply here.
Back
Top