Chuck D. Bones
Circuit Wizard
Engrish.
More jokes
- Thread starter Chuck D. Bones
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RetiredUnit1
Well-known member
True story I remembered last night…
Out of the blue sky category:
I suddenly remembered being three years old and watching my dad clean the driveway with the hose.
I asked him what he was doing and he said he was cleaning the driveway.
After he left I decided I would clean the living room.
So I walked into the house and started squirting the carpet with the hose!!!!
My mom came running in along with my dad and said what the hell are you doing?
And I said I’m cleaning the floor. My dad started laughing his ass off.
And then we pulled everything out of the living room and took the carpet and put it out in the driveway and cleaned it really well with the hose.
After it dried, we put it back in the house and boy was it clean…
I was proud of myself lol
Out of the blue sky category:
I suddenly remembered being three years old and watching my dad clean the driveway with the hose.
I asked him what he was doing and he said he was cleaning the driveway.
After he left I decided I would clean the living room.
So I walked into the house and started squirting the carpet with the hose!!!!
My mom came running in along with my dad and said what the hell are you doing?
And I said I’m cleaning the floor. My dad started laughing his ass off.
And then we pulled everything out of the living room and took the carpet and put it out in the driveway and cleaned it really well with the hose.
After it dried, we put it back in the house and boy was it clean…
I was proud of myself lol
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Chuck D. Bones
Circuit Wizard
A real Dennis the Menace moment!
Actually the analogy (excuse the pun) of using a rectum for a diode is quite accurate - in theory. A rectum should only allow the flow in one direction. I guess that's where the fire comes in.
I believe you're referring to a sphincter.
*Deletes search history*
Agreed
darwin999
Well-known member
RetiredUnit1
Well-known member
In case anyone was wondering like I was:
jessenator
Well-known member
This is half joke, half manifesto
Em and en dashes are fundamentals to me. I was educated in the autumn years of peak print design and, typographically speaking, these are required glyphs; essential.
Em and en dashes are fundamentals to me. I was educated in the autumn years of peak print design and, typographically speaking, these are required glyphs; essential.
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gtfields13
Well-known member
The Mac is Not a Typewriter.
I use En a lot, but the way I write, I rarely use an Em dash. But I know the keystrokes to generate them in Word without thinking about it.
jessenator
Well-known member
Grossly oversimplified: em dashes are for interjections and abrupt vectors to end clauses or sentences; en dashes are for numerals, such as in numerical differentials; hyphens are self-explanatory; and if one wanted to get Bringhurst levels of typographical anal-retentiveness, the subtraction glyph is completely separate. And only a well-crafted typeface will have all of them. (And ligatures, too.)
Sadly, I haven't set them up on Linux. I know them both on Mac OS and Windows by muscle memory.
gtfields13
Well-known member
Precisely this. I manage and review a lot of pharma submissions (CMC, specifically, if you care) that include specification ranges so en dash is an hourly thing for me. As is the negative sign... I have a whole list of alt-numpad keycodes memorized for these things. For reasons of "boring-is-good" Times New Roman is the preferred font for regulatory submissions around the world, and while it may be boring, it has almost every glyph I ever use (Cambria Math slides in occasionally).
I'm old enough to remember collecting work from a typesetting bureau for a design firm I was working for while I was studying design. It wasn't long before Quark made designers think they were good enough to do the typesetting themselves. Much like the iPhone made people think they were now photographers! And as soon as the design firms I worked for learned that I was doing a minor in photography they got me to work on their bromide camera. Very few people these days would know what a bromide camera was...
Terrible jokes are my speciality. Just ask my wife. Terrible jokes have to be a speciality because they're harder to tell.
There is a joke that I'm always hesitant to tell because it can easily be considered dated and sexist. I like to think it's funny because we laugh at it in an ironic "yes it might be considered sexist but seeing as we are all educated here and know that it's obviously sexist we can see past that to the pure absurdity of it" kinda way. As in the sexism is part of the absurdity. My wife, who is a writer and has an honours degree in philosophy laughed at it. She also has a 2nd degree black belt in Muay Thai kickboxing and a brown belt in Krav Maga, so I am justifiably scared of her. Just remember that there is no woman involved in a bad situation here - it is completely fictional, and the implied violence is purely for the sake of the joke.
What do you say to a (metaphorical) woman with two black eyes? Nothing. You already told her twice.
There is a joke that I'm always hesitant to tell because it can easily be considered dated and sexist. I like to think it's funny because we laugh at it in an ironic "yes it might be considered sexist but seeing as we are all educated here and know that it's obviously sexist we can see past that to the pure absurdity of it" kinda way. As in the sexism is part of the absurdity. My wife, who is a writer and has an honours degree in philosophy laughed at it. She also has a 2nd degree black belt in Muay Thai kickboxing and a brown belt in Krav Maga, so I am justifiably scared of her. Just remember that there is no woman involved in a bad situation here - it is completely fictional, and the implied violence is purely for the sake of the joke.
What do you say to a (metaphorical) woman with two black eyes? Nothing. You already told her twice.
jimilee
Well-known member
BuddytheReow
Moderator
