CONTEST: Chips

Hey, in my defense, when my termite joke is said aloud a lot of people don't even equate "bar tender", 'cause all they hear is "bartender".


Three old guys in an old folks home are chatting over breakfast.

OG1: "I'd love to be able wake up in the morning, just take a good piss."

OG2: "Yeah? Well I'd like to be able to wake up in the morning and have a good dump."

OG3: "You poor old bastards! I wake up every morning and have helluva whiz and whoppin' huge BM... If only I could get out of bed first!"
 
Feral Feline said:
Hey, in my defense, when my termite joke is said aloud a lot of people don't even equate "bar tender", 'cause all they hear is "bartender".
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Fwiw, the second I saw the bartender joke, I got up from where I was and looked for my dad so I could tell him the joke too. Maybe we’re unfortunately just too familiar with termites? Whatever it is, we both had a good laugh from that one.
 
My little sister's favorite joke, I hope this works in English:

Thursday, Jack meets Ben on the street:
Jack: "Hey Ben, why do you have five penguins in tow?
Ben: "I don't know where they came from, they ran into me. I honestly don't know what to do with them."
Jack: "Why don't you take them to the zoo?"
Ben: "Thanks, good idea, I'll do that!"

Friday, Jack meets Ben again:
Jack: " Hey, you still have those penguins. Weren't you going to take them to the zoo?"
Ben: "Yeah, we actually went there, it was a great day! Today we're going to the movies!"
 
Chuck D. Bones said:
Two old Italian gentlemen are sitting outside at a bistro in a small seaside town. One of them speaks:
"You know, when I was a young man, I used to build boats. I must have build half of the boats in this harbor. But do they call me 'Giuseppe the shipwright?' No."
He scowls and takes a sip of wine. Then he says:
"When I got too old for that, I took up painting. I have pictures hanging in most of the galleries in town. But do they call me 'Giuseppe the painter?' No."
He scowls, takes another sip of wine and there's a long pause.
"But you fuck one goat..."
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As a New Zealander I take offense in this joke! ;)



See if you get it....
 
This penguin goes for a drive in the desert. Just as he's pulling into a small town, his car starts smoking like crazy. He drives his car into the nearest gas station and asks the mechanic to take a look at it. The mechanic says "Ok, Mac, I can get to it in about an hour. Why don't you go over to the diner next door and cool off."
The penguin goes into the diner and orders a large vanilla ice cream cone. He really enjoys it, so he orders a second and then a third. Penguins are messy eaters and by the time he gets back to the gas station to check on his car, he has ice cream all over his face.
The mechanic slides out from under his car and says "It looks like you blew a seal."
"Oh no!" says the penguin, "It's just ice cream!"
 
Chuck D. Bones said:
Two old Italian gentlemen are sitting outside at a bistro in a small seaside town. One of them speaks:
"You know, when I was a young man, I used to build boats. I must have build half of the boats in this harbor. But do they call me 'Giuseppe the shipwright?' No."
He scowls and takes a sip of wine. Then he says:
"When I got too old for that, I took up painting. I have pictures hanging in most of the galleries in town. But do they call me 'Giuseppe the painter?' No."
He scowls, takes another sip of wine and there's a long pause.
"But you fuck one goat..."
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So, What do they call him? 🤣🤣🤣🤣
 
  • Haha
Reactions: fig
BuddytheReow said:
What did the pedal builder say when he got hit with a capacitor?

uf!
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pF… I could’ve thought of that, but sure nF you beat me to it.
sorry, I can’t resist making a high frequency of capacitor jokes. Ω my— there I go again. I’m currently trying to write jokes about amperage, but I keep just writing jokes about voltage and I can’t remember watts supposed to go above that!
 
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