More jokes

Q: How many guitarists does it take to cover a Stevie Ray Vaughan tune?

A: Apparently all of them.




Q: What do a drummer and a philosopher have in common?

A: They both perceive time as an abstract concept.




Q: Why did the chicken cross the road?

A: To avoid the bassoon recital.




Q: What's the difference between an F-14 and a trumpet?

A: About 3 decibels.



Q: What's the difference between a rock guitarist and a jazz guitarist?

A: A rock guitarist plays 3 chords for 10,000 people. A jazz guitarist plays 10,000 chords for 3 people.
 
A middle-aged woman gets a facelift and it takes 10 years off of her appearance. She is feeling so good about herself that she's asking total strangers to guess her age. At Starbucks, she asks the barista "how old do you think I am?"
The young guy replies "I really don't think it's appropriate for me to say."
"Oh, come on, just try, it's ok, I won't be offended."
"Maybe 27?"
With a huge smile, she says "I'm 43."
Later that day, at the bank she asks the teller "how old do you think I am?"
The teller says "we have that information on file, I could just look it up."
She replies "Oh no, I want to know how old you think I look."
The teller says "29?"
She smiles and says "I'm 43."
Later that afternoon, she's talking a walk through the park. She passes an older gentleman and asks him "how old do you think I am?"
He says "I am very good at guessing a woman's age."
She says, "Ok then, how old am I?"
He tells her "To be accurate, I have to feel your breasts."
She thinks for a moment and then says "fine, go ahead."
He slips his hand inside he blouse and feels around. After a minute or two, she says "I think that's enough, how old am I?"
He says "You're 43 years old."
She replies "You're right! That's amazing. How can you tell my age by feeling my breasts?"
He says "I was in line behind you at the bank."
 
I was talking to a German guy about beer and its consequences once and he told me that Germans can pun too. In German the word for mushroom is pils which is perfect for beer puns. The word for poisoning is vergiftung - gift means poison in German. So if you are hungover in Germany you can say you are suffering from pils vergiftung - mushroom poisoning.

Some say that draft beer is a pour choice.
 
In my youth I thought draft beer gave me worse hangovers, in my somewhat mature years I realized it was much smoother and easier to over serve myself resulting in aforementioned hangovers. Now I've learned to quite enjoy it in moderation.
 
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