More jokes

Engineer dies and goes to Hell.
Devil shows him his place to hang out.
He notices after a wee while that it's pretty darn hot here, so he has a look around and finds an old air conditioning unit.
He fixes it up, that's a bit better. But no cell phone or internet coverage, dang.
He finds a few bits and pieces, McGyvers an antenna together, cell coverage and starlink sorted.
And so on.

A few days later God comes on down and does his usual check up of the place.
He is baffled:"What's going on here then?"

Devil says:"Yeah you wouldn't recognize the place, we've got this engineer here recently, he fixes up everything! It's great!"

"WHAT?!" God yells."Engineers are all supposed to go to Heaven, it's in their contract! Give him to me or I'll sue you!"

Devil sniggers:"Good luck finding a lawyer..."
 
An elementary school teacher was asking her students what their parents did for a living. "Jeffrey, please be first," she said. "Tell the class, what does your mother do?" Jeffrey stood up and proudly boasted, "She's a doctor."

"That's wonderful. How about you, Amy?" Amy shyly stood up, shuffled her feet a bit and said, "My dad's a mailman."

"Thank you, Amy," said her teacher. "What about your father, Jimmy?" Jimmy proudly stood up and announced, "My daddy plays piano in a whorehouse!"

The teacher was taken aback, and promptly changed the subject to social studies. Later that day she went to Jimmy's house and knocked on the door. Jimmy's father answered the door. The teacher explained what his son had said, and demanded the father provide an explanation.

Jimmy's father said, "Well, I'm actually an attorney. But how can you explain a thing like that to a six year old?"
 
I was talking to my neighbor yesterday and he told me "you should really close the curtains when you and your wife are making love. Everyone who walked by your house yesterday could see and was snickering."

I told him "The joke's on them, the nosy buggers, I wasn't home yesterday."
 
Grumpy husband and wife walk along the park.
Husbands grunts: "Gee your bum looks big in that, as big as an old washing machine..."
Wife grunts and says nothing.

Later that evening husband feels a bit amorous and makes some advances.
Wife says:
"Nah, I'm not getting the old washing machine all into gear for such a small load.
You gotta do that by hand!"
 
Guy sits at the bar asks the bloke to the right beside him: "do you wanna hear a real good blonde joke?"
Lady on the left, blonde, turns around and says:
"I'm female heavy weight boxing champion, and my blonde friend over there is regional wrestling queen and there comes my blonde friend Belinda, she's into martial arts. Do you still want to tell the joke here?"

Guy thinks. "Nah I'll leave it. I don't want to explain it three times..."
 
Don't wanna be that guy, but I think that's the third time that joke has come up on this thread! :ROFLMAO: Guess that's the problem with quality jokes... At least you told it well. Although in the original telling the guy was blind.
 
Three women are discussing their husbands and the brunette said, "Let's make up nicknames for our husbands. Let's name them after soft drinks. I'll call mine 'Mountain Dew' because I always want him to mount and do me."
The redhead says "I'll call mine '7-Up' because he has 7 inches and it's always up."
The blonde thinks for a minute and says "I'll call mine 'Jack Daniels'."
The brunette says "That's a hard liquor."
The blonde replies "My point exactly."
 
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