More jokes

While I was flying back from the midwest yesterday, we experienced a particularly bumpy ride going over the Rockies. Once the turbulence was behind us, the pilot got on the PA and thanked the passengers for their calmness and understanding. Then he started chatting with the co-pilot, but forgot to switch off the PA. The entire cabin heard him say "Wow! what a roller-coaster ride! What I could use right now is a cup of coffee and a blow-job."
On hearing this, one of the flight attendants started making her way towards the cockpit. I yelled out "Don't forget the coffee!"
 
Husband and Wife are Christmas Shopping at a busy shopping mall . The wife suddenly noticed that her husband was missing and as they had a lot to do, she called him on his cell.

The wife said " Where are you, you know we have lots to do."

He said: "You remember the jewelers we went into about 10 years ago, and you fell in love with that diamond necklace? I could not afford it at the time and I said that one day I would get it for you?"

Little tears started to flow down her cheek and she got all choked up…
"Yes, I do remember that shop." she replied.

He said: "Well I am in the guitar store next door to that."
 
David Lee Roth walks into a bar and asks, “Pardon me but do you know where I can find a seasoned guitarist?”

Bartender looks him up and down and says, “Sorry, pal, ain’t got no one passed their expiration date.”
 
A diode walks into a barber shop.

Barber looks at the diode and says, “So, what’ll it be?”

Diode responds, “Oh, just a little off the top and bottom please.”
 
A man comes home after a hard day working at the pickling plant. His wife asks him "How was your day, Honey?"
"I dunno, I'm getting so tired of that place I started thinking about sticking my dick in the pickle slicer."
"Oh Baby! Don't do that!"
"I won't."
A few days later the guy comes home from work two hours early. His wife says "You're home early, what's up?"
"I got fired for sticking my dick in the pickle slicer."
"That's terrible! What happened to the pickle slicer?"
"They fired her too."
 
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