More jokes

It has come to my attention that a lot of the jokes I've been posting are "oldies." In an effort to save time, I'll just offer up the punchline and y'all can think of the rest of the joke.

I'll start with a classic: "Five bucks, just like in town."
 
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A guy was walking his dog in the park and let him off the leash to play fetch.

Another dog owner at the park struck up a conversation with him. After a while they got into the subject of their dog's names, and why they chose them.

"My dog?" The other dog owner said, "I named her fluffy because I have absolutely no sense of originality or creativity. Because I am incredibly dull, I will now ask you for your dog's name and why you named him as such", he continued with the piercing, glassy-eyed stare of a man utterly determined to make boring idle chit chat.

"My dog?" The first man said, "I named him stains. Because of what I get to shout at the dog park."

The tedious dullard cocked his head quizzically. "I'm confused" the utterly uninteresting man said, "What do you..."

But the first man cut him off: "Come, Stains!"
 
An OC woman gets a botox treatment and is very pleased with the results. She goes to the post office and when she gets up to the counter, she asks the postal worker if he can guess her age. He tells her "I don't know if it's appropriate for me to be guessing your age."
She insists so he says "You look to be about 30."
With a big smile, she says "I'm 47!" Drops off her package and leaves.
Then she goes to Starbucks and after she orders her double mocha latte frappucino, she asks the barista "How old do you think I am?"
"Oh, ma'am, I'm no good at guessing people's ages."
"Well try."
"Umm, 32?"
"Why thank you, young man, I'm 47!" she says with a big smile on her face.
That evening, she's waiting at a posh restaurant's valet station to pick up her car. She asks another waiting customer "How old do you think I am?"
He says "I have a method for determining a woman's age that is very accurate."
"Oh really, how do you do that?"
"I have to feel your breasts."
"Oh yeah, right."
But curiosity gets the better of her, so she unbuttons her blouse and says ok, go ahead and guess my age."
He reaches inside and rubs one breast and then the other.
Finally she says "Ok, that's quite enough! How old am I?"
"You're 47."
"You're right! That's amazing. How did you do that?"
"I was standing in line behind you at the post office."
 
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In the spirit of one of Chuck's "goodies but oldies" (or should that be "oldies but goodies"?) a few years ago I was speaking to a Canadian guy when a bird flew past. We have birds here called twenty-eights after the sound they make - they are an attractive small parrot kinda species with a green chest, black wings, black head with a yellow ring around the neck. So he asked what kind of bird it was and I told him - it's called a twenty-eight. He seemed confused that the bird had a number for a name so I said "oh we gave up giving our birds names long ago - we just number them now".
 
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