Chuck D. Bones
Circuit Wizard
Another dubious deal at EG.
I don't know whether to use this at the grocery store or with Tinder.
I don't know whether to use this at the grocery store or with Tinder.
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- Thread starter Chuck D. Bones
- Start date
Mentaltossflycoon
Well-known member
Feral Feline
Well-known member
So you cruise the grocery store, too. I have yet to try Tinder...
So how does this little Date Selector work — like what if I want a blonde?
Chuck D. Bones
Circuit Wizard
It was a pun. You know, the other kind of dates.
Although Otter on "Animal House" did provide a lesson on how to pick up women in the produce section.
Feral Feline
Well-known member
Yeah, I was extrapolating and taking it in an Otter direction.
Which reminds me...
I briefly had a girlfriend named Melanie, in my late teens, whose gifts would defy Hillary's...
...so Melanie and I were shopping one day, in the produce section, and I managed to get her to hold two large cantelopes while I took a photo. Alas, the pic of Melanie and her melons, and Melanie, and those melons — all are long gone...
Which reminds me...
I briefly had a girlfriend named Melanie, in my late teens, whose gifts would defy Hillary's...
...so Melanie and I were shopping one day, in the produce section, and I managed to get her to hold two large cantelopes while I took a photo. Alas, the pic of Melanie and her melons, and Melanie, and those melons — all are long gone...
Chuck D. Bones
Circuit Wizard
"Safe sex is like eating a Starburst with some of the wrapper still on."
- James Davis
- James Davis
RetiredUnit1
Well-known member
Chuck D. Bones
Circuit Wizard
Kevin Nealon did a standup show called "Whelmed, but not overly."
I know what it means to be disgruntled, but I wonder how it feels to be gruntled.
I know what it means to be disgruntled, but I wonder how it feels to be gruntled.
Pauleo1214
Well-known member
What do you call an old man who scores with the ladies three times?
Gerry Hat Trick.
Gerry Hat Trick.
Pauleo1214
Well-known member
RetiredUnit1
Well-known member
Batman walks into a bar and says "damn that's going to leave a bruise"
Feral Feline
Well-known member
I was driving down the highway and saw a sign on the back of a trailer that said "Caution Horses"...
... made me wonder how many horses were likely to be going that fast down the highway AND able to read.
... made me wonder how many horses were likely to be going that fast down the highway AND able to read.
Chuck D. Bones
Circuit Wizard
A drummer & a bass player set out on a road trip from New York to Miami. As they were leaving New Jersey, they saw a road sign that said "Clean Rest Rooms Ahead." By the time they got to Miami, they had cleaned 247 rest rooms.
Chuck D. Bones
Circuit Wizard
On the first night of their honeymoon, the new bride tells her husband, "I have a confession to make. I'm not a virgin. I've been with one other guy."
"Oh yeah? Who was the guy?"
"Tiger Woods, the golfer."
"Well, he's rich, famous and handsome. I can understand that."
The couple then makes passionate love. When they finish, the husband gets up and walks to the telephone.
"What are you doing?" asks the wife.
"I'm hungry. I'm calling room service."
"Tiger wouldn't do that."
"Oh yeah? What would Tiger do?"
"He'd come back to bed and make love to me a second time."
The husband drops the phone and makes love to his wife a second time.
When they finish, he goes back to the phone.
"What are you doing now?" she asks.
"I'm still hungry, so I'm going to ring room service for some food."
"Tiger wouldn't do that."
"Oh yeah? What would Tiger do?"
"He'd come back to bed and do me one more time."
The husband puts the phone down and heads back to bed. Exhausted after the third lovemaking session, he shuffles back to the phone and starts to dial.
The wife asks, "Are you calling room service?"
"No! I'm calling Tiger Woods, I want to find out what's par for this hole!"
"Oh yeah? Who was the guy?"
"Tiger Woods, the golfer."
"Well, he's rich, famous and handsome. I can understand that."
The couple then makes passionate love. When they finish, the husband gets up and walks to the telephone.
"What are you doing?" asks the wife.
"I'm hungry. I'm calling room service."
"Tiger wouldn't do that."
"Oh yeah? What would Tiger do?"
"He'd come back to bed and make love to me a second time."
The husband drops the phone and makes love to his wife a second time.
When they finish, he goes back to the phone.
"What are you doing now?" she asks.
"I'm still hungry, so I'm going to ring room service for some food."
"Tiger wouldn't do that."
"Oh yeah? What would Tiger do?"
"He'd come back to bed and do me one more time."
The husband puts the phone down and heads back to bed. Exhausted after the third lovemaking session, he shuffles back to the phone and starts to dial.
The wife asks, "Are you calling room service?"
"No! I'm calling Tiger Woods, I want to find out what's par for this hole!"
Last edited:
jimilee
Well-known member
Chuck D. Bones
Circuit Wizard
Back in the day, my blonde girlfriend and I were driving thru Yosemite and we saw a sign that said Deer Crossing. She exclaimed "They should really move that sign, this is not a safe place for deer to cross the highway."
RetiredUnit1
Well-known member
Well, not really a joke. But there's weed in the background. lol.....
Apologies if this one has been made, I can't bring myself to read all 46 pages in one go!
A young girl decides to help her parents with cooking.
They're making sausages and dad says "remember to always cut both ends off the sausages before putting them in the pan."
"But why?" says the daughter.
"That's just how my mum always did it! And your Nana is an excellent cook."
A few days later, the family pays Nana a visit so the daughter asks her. "Nana, why do we cut the ends off of sausages before putting them into the pan?"
Nana responds, "That's just how my mum did it! She was an excellent cook."
Luckily the great-grandmother is still around - a few days later the family pays her a visit at the nursing home.
The girl says "Great-grandma, why do we cut the ends off of sausages before putting them in the pan?"
The old woman turns slowly around and in a shaky voice, says "you've still got that tiny fucking pan??"
A young girl decides to help her parents with cooking.
They're making sausages and dad says "remember to always cut both ends off the sausages before putting them in the pan."
"But why?" says the daughter.
"That's just how my mum always did it! And your Nana is an excellent cook."
A few days later, the family pays Nana a visit so the daughter asks her. "Nana, why do we cut the ends off of sausages before putting them into the pan?"
Nana responds, "That's just how my mum did it! She was an excellent cook."
Luckily the great-grandmother is still around - a few days later the family pays her a visit at the nursing home.
The girl says "Great-grandma, why do we cut the ends off of sausages before putting them in the pan?"
The old woman turns slowly around and in a shaky voice, says "you've still got that tiny fucking pan??"