More jokes

On the first day of Christmas, United gave to me:
A preexisting condition fee.


On the second day of Christmas, United gave to me:
Two denied claims,
And a preexisting condition fee.


On the third day of Christmas, United gave to me:
Three surprise bills,
Two denied claims,
And a preexisting condition fee.


On the fourth day of Christmas, United gave to me:
Four out-of-networks,
Three surprise bills,
Two denied claims,
And a preexisting condition fee.


On the fifth day of Christmas, United gave to me:
A prior authorization!
Four out-of-networks,
Three surprise bills,
Two denied claims,
And a preexisting condition fee.


On the sixth day of Christmas, United gave to me:
Six debt collectors,
A prior authorization!
Four out-of-networks,
Three surprise bills,
Two denied claims,
And a preexisting condition fee.


On the seventh day of Christmas, United gave to me:
Seven loopholes pending,
Six debt collectors,
A prior authorization!
Four out-of-networks,
Three surprise bills,
Two denied claims,
And a preexisting condition fee.


On the eighth day of Christmas, United gave to me:
Eight hours waiting,
Seven loopholes pending,
Six debt collectors,
A prior authorization!
Four out-of-networks,
Three surprise bills,
Two denied claims,
And a preexisting condition fee.


On the ninth day of Christmas, United gave to me:
Nine appeals denied,
Eight hours waiting,
Seven loopholes pending,
Six debt collectors,
A prior authorization!
Four out-of-networks,
Three surprise bills,
Two denied claims,
And a preexisting condition fee.


On the tenth day of Christmas, United gave to me:
Ten copays rising,
Nine appeals denied,
Eight hours waiting,
Seven loopholes pending,
Six debt collectors,
A prior authorization!
Four out-of-networks,
Three surprise bills,
Two denied claims,
And a preexisting condition fee.


On the eleventh day of Christmas, United gave to me:
Eleven meds not covered,
Ten copays rising,
Nine appeals denied,
Eight hours waiting,
Seven loopholes pending,
Six debt collectors,
A prior authorization!
Four out-of-networks,
Three surprise bills,
Two denied claims,
And a preexisting condition fee.


On the twelfth day of Christmas, United gave to me:
Twelve years of debt,
Eleven meds not covered,
Ten copays rising,
Nine appeals denied,
Eight hours waiting,
Seven loopholes pending,
Six debt collectors,
A prior authorization!
Four out-of-networks,
Three surprise bills,
Two denied claims,
And a preexisting condition fee.
 
A high school teacher was arrested today at Toronto Pearson Airport as he attempted to board a flight while in possession of a ruler, a protractor, a compass, a slide-rule, and a calculator.

At a press conference, Premier Kathleen Wynne said she believes the man is a member of the notorious extremist Al-Gebra movement. She did not identify the man, who has been charged by the RCMP with carrying weapons of math instruction.


'Al-Gebra is a problem for us', the Premier said. 'They derive solutions by means and extremes, and sometimes go off on tangents in search of absolute values. They use secret code-names like "X" and "Y" and refer to themselves as "unknowns," but we have determined that they belong to a common denominator of the axis of medieval with coordinates in every country. As the Greek Philosopher Isosceles used to say, "There are three sides to every triangle."'

When asked to comment on the arrest, Prime Minister Trudeau said, "If God had wanted us to have better weapons of math instruction, He would have given us more fingers and toes."

Fellow Liberal colleagues told reporters they could not recall a more intelligent or profound statement by any Prime Minister.

(This joke is from 2017, so some of the names may have changed - I don't claim to be up on Canadian politics.)
 
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