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Three dinosaurs are running in the desert and find a magic lamp.
After one rubs it, a genie pops out. "I got three wishes and since there are three of you, I'll grant you each one wish!"

The first dinosaur says, "How about a big chunk of meat?"
POOF! A giant chunk of the juiciest meat the dinosaur has ever seen appears.

The second dinosaur thinks for a moment. Not to be outdone, he says, "I want a shower of meat!"
POOF! Hunks of meat start falling out of the sky.

The third dinosaur says, "I WANT A MEATIER SHOWER!"
 
A boy gets pulled into into the principal's office for fighting.

Principal: What's your name son?

"T....tuh....tuh....tuh...Timothy, sir".

Principal: I'm didn't realize you have a speech impediment.

T....tuh....tuh....tuh...Timothy: I don't. My dad does. The guy who wrote my birth certificate's just an asshole.
 
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Reminds me of a t... tuh...tuh...tuh...True Story:

I was registering for some college classes — old school, none of this registering online nonsense — I had to stand in line for each class I wanted.

In one of the longer queues, finally almost my turn, just one guy ahead of me — I could hear the staff ask his name. He said his first name, and they asked for his surname ... he gave them his first name again, and they again asked for his surname. This went on about five times and then he reluctantly took out his wallet and showed them his ID, explaining he has a psychological-block and cannot say his own surname aloud — the only thing he can't say.

I found it sad and funny at the same time. Kudos to him for trying to say it whenever required...
 
Did you hear the creator of the Hokie Pokie died?

It was a tough burial. They had to put the right leg in , and take the right leg out, and put the right leg in...


Why was the Christmas Tree named Amy Winehouse?

Because it's going to die and leave needles everywhere.
 
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Three nuns turn up at the Pearly gates and the Gatekeeper is in the mood for some pop quiz.

GK: So to let you Ladies in I need to ask you each a question. Turns to first nun: Who were the first humans on earth?

First Nun: Adam and Eve.

GK. Correct, you're in.

Turns to second nun: Where did Adam and Eve live?

Second nun: Garden o Eden.

GK. Correct, you're in.

Turns to third nun: Now since you're the older superior I will make the question a bit more difficult.
What did Eve say when she first saw Adam?

Third nun: Oooooh that's a hard one.....!

GK. Correct, you're in.
 
Shaun is a tourist visiting a small town in the Arabian desert. He stops into a shop one day and when he's finished, he finds that his camel is missing its legs. Shocked, he approaches a bystander and asks if he saw who took his camel's legs. The bystander squints at him, looks at the camel, and says to Shaun "ah, that would have been the Camel Leg Thief, you can find him that way".

Shaun sets off in the direction the bystander pointed him in, he walks along desert roads, after an hour he comes across a traveler going in the opposite direction. He tells the traveler his story and asks how much further until he reaches the Camel Leg Thief. The traveler replies "a long way along the desert, you will need a car". Shaun walked back to the town, found a car rental branch, hired a car and set off again along the road.

He travels down the road until he reaches a huge lake. A sailor stands by his small rowing boat nearby. Shaun says "I am looking for the Camel Leg Thief". The sailor replies "the Camel Leg Thief lives across the water, but you can rent a boat back in the town". Running out of patience, Shaun drives back to the town, rents a boat, attaches it to the back of his car and goes back to the water. He gets in the boat and begins rowing across.

He rows for over an hour until he reaches the other side. On the other side is a mountain range. "I am looking for the Camel Leg Thief", Shaun tells a local. The local replies "the Camel Leg Thief lives over the mountains, you can rent hiking gear back in the town". Shaun is exasperated. "For fucks sake!", he exclaims. He gets back in the boat, rows across the water, gets in his car, and drives back to town. He finds a shop and rents hiking gear. He sets back off in the car, to the water, rows back to the mountain range and prepares his climb.

He begins hiking over the mountains, losing track of time as he crosses, and gets to the other side. There he is faced by desert plains, he asks a nomad, "are you the Camel Leg Thief?". The nomad tells him "no, the Camel Leg Thief lives across these plains, but it will be dark soon and you can't cross the plains without warm clothing. There's a clothes shop in the town". Shaun can't believe it. He hikes back across the mountains, rows across the water, drives back to the town, and finds the clothes shop. There, he buys warm clothing for night time.

He drives back to the water, rows across, hikes over the mountains, and gets to the plains. It is getting dark, so he pulls on the clothing and begins to walk the plains. He walks all night. As the sun rises, he sees a huge palace ahead of him. He enters through the large doors. Inside is a huge room, the grandest room you'll ever see. On a throne, sits a man. "I am the Camel Leg Thief", proclaims the man, "what have you come for?".

Shaun asks the Camel Leg Thief, "did you steal my camel's legs?"
The Camel Leg Thief replied, "No."
 
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