More jokes

[spi]

A brunette and a blond meet on opposite sides of a river. The brunette calls out across the gap, “How do I get to the other side of the river.” The blond responds, “You are on the other side of the river.”

 

[Pauleo1214]

How come Jesus Christ wasn't named Franklin?

Because Mary stubbed her toe!

 

[Chuck D. Bones]

This guy goes to the doctor for a checkup and the doc asks him, "How's your health, everything ok?"
The guy says "For the most part everything is good. The only thing that concerns me is my penis is turning orange."
The doctor takes a look and says "I think this might be caused by stress. Is there anything stressful going on in your life?"
"No, not really."
"How's work, everything ok there?"
"Well, I was let go a few weeks ago."
"That must be it then."
"No, I don't think so. My old boss was an asshole. I have a much better job now."
"Oh, I see. How about your marriage? How are things at home?"
"Just before I switched jobs, I got divorced."
"Divorce can be very stressful."
"That woman was evil and I'm glad to be rid of her. My life is so easy without her."
"Hmmm. Tell me, what do you do at home to unwind after work?"
"Mostly, I watch porn and eat Cheetos."

 

[HamishR]

Another oldie but goodie.

 

[Pauleo1214]

Genie: What's your first wish?

Toby: I wish I was rich.

Genie: Granted, what’s your second wish?

Rich: I want lots of money.

Yo Mama So Fat...

When she goes to the zoo, elephants throw peanuts at her.

 

[Chuck D. Bones]

 

[Pauleo1214]

View attachment 44041

Fixed it.

 

[Chuck D. Bones]

 

[Chuck D. Bones]

 

[steviejr92]

The 2 at the bar are having an all out tongue battle.

Theres a guy dead on the floor.

Ive seen this situation with the 2 at the door before. One is going have a really bad hangover.

Only 1 hour has passed.

Thats all i got....


EDIT: Dude at the bar to the left lost his chin hair some how....Must be drinking a watered down Corona......

 

[Bricksnbeatles]

Only 1 hour has passed.

Yet the clouds haven’t moved a bit

 

[steviejr92]

Yet the clouds haven’t moved a bit

And somehow the woman traveled back in time!

 

[KR Sound]

The 2 at the bar are having an all out tongue battle.

Theres a guy dead on the floor.

Ive seen this situation with the 2 at the door before. One is going have a really bad hangover.

Only 1 hour has passed.

Thats all i got....


EDIT: Dude at the bar to the left lost his chin hair some how....Must be drinking a watered down Corona......

And he grew a mullet

 

[steviejr92]

What seems to be the officer, problem?....

 

[Nic]

Lines are no more straight ...
And sir, that lady didn't change at all, you've just find her more attractive after a few drinks

 

[KR Sound]

And the old regular in the middle doesn’t even know what day it is because he’s there every day, same stool.

 

[steviejr92]

Lines are no more straight ...
And sir, that lady didn't change at all, you've just find her more attractive after a few drinks

A few drinks too many....literally traveled like 10 years back in time

 

[Mentaltossflycoon]

I'm gonna say it's not time travel, it's the beer goggles. "Maybe she's born with it, maybe it's that I'm drunk."

 

[steviejr92]

You put on the beer goggles to time travel....

 

[Chuck D. Bones]

This is like inspecting circuit boards...