More jokes

A blonde walks into a shop and wants a pair of alligator boots.

The shopkeeper tells her they do not sell expensive items to blondes.

After becoming very frustrated with the shopkeepers attitude the blonde declares, "FINE I'LL GO CATCH AN ALLIGATOR AND GET MY OWN BOOTS!"

The shopkeeper replied "Why don't you just try young lady," with a smirk.

So the blonde heads out to the swamp absolutely determined to catch an alligator. Later in the day the shopkeeper drove by and noticed the young lady waist deep in water with a shotgun in her hands.

He stops and watches as a very large alligator swims right at her. With lighting fast reflexes she throws the gun up and shoots the alligator killing it instantly.

He keeps watching as she drags the alligator to a pile of 6 or 7 more. As he rolls down the window to ask why she needs so many gators for one pair of boots she rolls it over and shouts,

"AHHHH THIS ONE'S BAREFOOT TOOO!"
 
One of my first jobs was working in the stockroom of an adult toy store. One day, the boss told me "I've gotta go pick up my cousin from the airport, so you work the counter until I get back."

I had never worked out front before, but it was a slow day, so how hard could it be?
This pretty brunette comes in and asks "how much are those dildos?"
I told her "The pink one is $25, the blue one is $35 and the black one is $50."
"I'll take the pink one."
A little later a foxy redhead comes in and asked "how much are those dildos?"
I told her "The pink one is $25, the blue one is $35 and the black one is $50."
"I'll take the black one."
Then a hot blonde comes in and asked "how much are those dildos?"
I told her "The pink one is $25, the blue one is $35 and the black one is $50."
"How much for the plaid one?"
"I'm sorry ma'am, that one is not for sale."
"Look, I really, really want the plaid one. I'll give you $100."
So I sold it to her. About an hour later, my boss came back and asked how it went while he was gone." I told him "I sold two dildos and I got $100 for your thermos."
 
Chuck D. Bones said:
One of my first jobs was working in the stockroom of an adult toy store. One day, the boss told me "I've gotta go pick up my cousin from the airport, so you work the counter until I get back."

I had never worked out front before, but it was a slow day, so how hard could it be?
This pretty brunette comes in and asks "how much are those dildos?"
I told her "The pink one is $25, the blue one is $35 and the black one is $50."
"I'll take the pink one."
A little later a foxy redhead comes in and asked "how much are those dildos?"
I told her "The pink one is $25, the blue one is $35 and the black one is $50."
"I'll take the black one."
Then a hot blonde comes in and asked "how much are those dildos?"
I told her "The pink one is $25, the blue one is $35 and the black one is $50."
"How much for the plaid one?"
"I'm sorry ma'am, that one is not for sale."
"Look, I really, really want the plaid one. I'll give you $100."
So I sold it to her. About an hour later, my boss came back and asked how it went while he was gone." I told him "I sold two dildos and I got $100 for your thermos."
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Classic.
tegendemuur said:
View attachment 80335View attachment 80336
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I don't suppose dead baby jokes are off limits?
 
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Pauleo1214 said:
Classic.

I don't suppose dead baby jokes are off limits?
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Nothing should be off-limits; everyone should be offended by something every day, in a free society that is. Suck it up, and move on. Being protected from things rubbing you the wrong way is something I try to fight, one dark joke at a time.
 
A guy goes to a local bar and in the corner, there is a guy playing piano and has a monkey with a collecting jar, and the monkey goes around the bar collecting tips for the pianist.

The music is fantastic and everyone is having a great night.

The guy orders a beer and the barman sets it down, but before he can have a drink, the monkey jumps over beside him, smiles and then drops his testicles into the guys beer. He is horrified and doesn’t drink the beer but orders another. Unbelievably, the monkey is over again and does exactly the same thing and dips his testicles in the beer. The guy is getting angry, orders another beer and this time, covers the beer with his hand before the monkey can do anything. He takes his hand off the top of the glass, quick as a flash the monkey is over and does it all again.

The guy is furious at this point and storms over to the pianist and says to him “Hey, buddy, do you know your monkey is dipping his balls in my beer?”

The pianist replies, "Sorry, no, but if you hum it, I am pretty sure I can pick it up."
 
jimilee said:
I guess the backlash would be on you, so….fire away.
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For sure! It's why I try to make sure whatever darkness comes bubbling up, never comes out as mean-spirited or hateful. Big problems come from people going out of their way to insult people; make it personal. Those are the worst, and make for good fuel for the PC trend.

Aaaanyway...

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