More jokes

HamishR said:
How do you know??
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Know what? You went out on a date with my cat?
DAJE said:
thehardtimes.net

Gibson Announces the “More Paul” Weighing In at 43 Pounds

NASHVILLE — Legendary guitar manufacturer Gibson Brands, Inc. announced an incredibly weighty successor to its famous Les Paul guitar, monikered the More... Get the full story
thehardtimes.net thehardtimes.net
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Not actually a joke but Gibson Custom shop did make a "Less" Paul. Good luck searching for it because search engines will assume you mispelled Les Paul.

reverb.com

!! PROTOTYPE !! Gibson Less Paul Sunburst The Very First Concept Expirimental Rare Les Paul Standard Custom Classic Deluxe | Reverb Australia

Less than 10 production models were made!! This was the in-house experiment proof of concept guitar that was never meant to be sold!! The first original Less Paul crafted by Gibson's former master luthier Bruce Kunkel. Rarely ever for sale are experimental Gibson Prototypes. The only way Gibson'...
reverb.com reverb.com
 
A married couple where the woman is more sexually experienced than the husband, likes to try new things regularly. One day the woman comes home and says “today we’re going to try 69”. The husband asks “what’s that?”. The wife says “don’t worry about it, just do what I say and it will be great!”. She tells him to get naked and lay down on the bed. Once he does, she also gets naked and starts to put her knees in either side of his head. As soon as she puts down the second knee, she farts directly up his nose and into his open mouth. He pushes her off and says “I don’t like this. Let’s do something else”. The wife says “you’re not giving it a chance. Lay down and let’s try it again”. He reluctantly lays down and she again tries to get in position on top of him. Again, when she puts down her second knee, she farts in his face. He immediately pushes her off and says “that’s enough! You can keep the other 67!”
 
A man boarded an airplane and took his seat. As he settled in, he glanced up and saw the most beautiful woman boarding the plane. He soon realized She was heading straight towards his seat. As fate would have it, she took the seat right beside his:

Eager to strike up a conversation he blurted out. "Business trip or pleasure?"

She turned, smiled and said. "Business. I’m going to the Annual Nymphomaniacs of America Convention in Boston."

He swallowed hard. Here was the most gorgeous woman he had ever seen Sitting next to him and she was going to a meeting of nymphomaniacs!

Struggling to maintain his composure, he calmly asked. “What’s your Business at this convention?"

“Lecturer." She responded. "I use information that I have learned from my Personal experiences to debunk some of the popular myths about sexuality."

“Really?” He said. “And what kind of myths are there?”

“Well.” She explained. “One popular myth is that African-American men are The most well-endowed of all men, when in fact it is the Native American Indian who is most likely to possess that trait. Another popular myth is That Frenchmen are the best lovers, when actually it is men of Mexican Descent who are the best. I have also discovered that the lover with Absolutely the best stamina is the Southern Redneck."

Suddenly the woman became a little uncomfortable and blushed.. "I’m Sorry." She said, “I shouldn't really be discussing all of this with you. I don’t even know your name."

"Tonto." The man said. "Tonto Gonzales, but my friends call me Bubba."
 
65 Funny Star Wars Jokes and Comics for Kids – Scout Life magazine
 
A man is hunting ducks with his friend when an errant shot peppers his crotch with birdshot.

After a surgeon removes the pellets he hands the man a card and tells him to call the number on it.

"Is it for a specialist surgeon?," asks the man.

"No, it's for a professional piccolo player. He'll show you how to hold it while you urinate."
 
A man is in a motorcycle accident that results in irreparable damage to his penis. His surgeon tells him he needs a transplant if he is to lead a normal sex life. The surgeon says that unfortunately, there is a two year waiting list for a penis transplant. The surgeon goes on to tell him that there is an experimental procedure they could do right away that uses a baby elephant trunk for the transplant. The man is desperate and agrees to the experimental procedure. After a month of recovery and rehab, the man is ready to take is new penis for a test drive. He finds a pretty girl on a dating app and they agree to meet at a restaurant for dinner. They hit it off pretty well and while they're engaging in small-talk, there is a rustling in his trousers. Suddenly, his penis emerges from under the table cloth, flops up onto the table, grabs a dinner roll and then disappears back under the table. His date is very impressed. She asks him, "could you do that again?"
He replies "I could, but I don't think my ass can take another one of those dinner rolls."
 
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