More jokes

When people ask me why I don't have any tattoos, I ask them: "Would you put a bumper sticker on a Ferrari?"
Oooo there are so many out there... "my other car's a mini", "you don't put bumper-stickers on a Mercedes Benz", and many more besides.

I'll limit myself to one pic:

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Okay I lied...

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How about a rousing game of where the hell dis this bruise come from?
It's a new "age spot". Mine come up painful as hell then flatten out and make a darker pigment spot. Freaking everywhere. One of the *joyful* things about age you don't find out about until they happen......

there's a technical name, but it's hard to pronounce so I stick with "age spots"
 
My wife is constantly covered in bruises. I do worry that her work mates will wonder where they come from and assume she has a violent husband. No, she is proud of her bruises as she trains in Krav Maga several times a week. Recently they were doing chokes and the instructor said to her "Really good choke". So I told her that next time he says that she should say "That's what my late husband used to say".
 
In Australia when you walk into a shop you are often greeted with "Are you right?", meaning "do you need assistance?" Once a few years ago while out with my wife I needed something from a local electronics store. As we walked in a woman who worked there (Yeah - a woman!) called out to my wife "Are you right?". I immediately said "She's always right". My wife assured the assistant that I was correct.
 
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