More jokes

A man who just died is delivered to a mortuary wearing an expensive, expertly tailored black suit.

The female blonde mortician asks the deceased’s wife how she would like the body dressed. She points out that the man looks good in the black suit he is already wearing.

The widow, however, says that she always thought her husband looked his best in blue and that she wants him in a blue suit.

She gives the Blonde mortician a blank check and says, ‘I don’t care what it costs, but have my husband in a blue suit for the viewing.’

The woman returns the next day for the wake. To her delight, she finds her husband dressed in a gorgeous blue suit with a subtle chalk stripe; the suit fits him perfectly...

She says to the mortician, ‘Whatever this cost, I’m very satisfied... You did an excellent job and I’m very grateful. How much did you spend?’

To her astonishment, the blonde mortician presents her with the blank check. ‘There’s no charge,’ she says.

‘No, really, I must compensate you for the cost of that exquisite blue suit!’ she says.

‘Honestly,’ the blonde says, ‘it cost nothing. You see, a deceased gentleman of about your husband’s size was brought in shortly after you left yesterday, and he was wearing an attractive blue suit. I asked his wife if she minded him going to his grave wearing a black suit instead, and she said it made no difference as long as he looked nice.’



‘So I just switched the heads.’
 
Chuck D. Bones said:
good one, eh.

I've never tried doing a bend that way.
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I used to go to the football with my dad a lot when I was a kid. My dad was a mad keen football fan and we loved going to the footy together. My dad had all the jokes and catch-cries - he used to go to the MCG (Melbourne Cricket Ground) to watch his beloved Demons all through the '50s and '60s. They had some big crowds there.

Sometimes when the play came near our section of the ground the crowd would stand up to watch and be slow to sit down again. Someone behind us would yell out "Siddown in front!!" so my dad would yell back "I don't bend that way!"
 
Chuck D. Bones said:
I hope this doesn't upset you, but you spelled Millennial wrong.

Q: How many Millennials does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: Isn't there an app for that?

Q: Did you hear that Enterprise has fitted their rental cars with a device that prevents Millennials from stealing them?
A: It's called a manual transmission.
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No it doesn't. My phone wants to auto correct the contraction of does and not to dosen't for some reason. I blame the phone.

Man, I gotta keep proving myself to you, huh? I prefer manual.

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