As many of you know, the federal workforce was ordered back ibto the office and stripped of the ability to telework. What I did not realize at the time was that this apparently meant I would also be ordered back into an unofficial career in facilities management.
Because I am the only person in our office with acquisitions training, property accountability experience, and facilities management clearances, I have somehow become the unofficial facilities lead for both my office and our sister office.
This year's adventure: acquiring a printer.
Simple enough, right?
Attempt One began with an approved purchase request for an HP printer. The device arrived, I unpacked it, set it up, contacted Property Management to assign an NIH decal, and dutifully accepted responsibility for it under my name in inventory.
IT arrived to connect it to the network.
Except , surprise , the printer will not function unless HP’s proprietary application is installed. Said application requires account creation and attempts to funnel users into an ink subscription service.
Naturally, this software is not authorized for installation on federal government networks.
So the printer had to go back.
To remove the item from my name, Property required the return authorization documentation, and Procurement had to locate the government purchase card transaction to prove the refund posted.
Excellent.
Attempt Two: never again, HP.
I ordered a Brother printer.
It arrived. Property inventoried it under my name. I connected it. IT came to install it.
Except the ethernet port had been disabled and removed from the network.
Two weeks later, the port was restored.
Victory?
No.
IT then informed me the newest available drivers for the printer date back to 2018 and therefore present a network security liability.
Also, small update, IT policy had an existing policy prohibits purchasing printers outside their preferred vendor and requests for printers must be approved by agency leadership on an as-needed basis.
Naturally, this information became available after the printer arrived.
So now I am once again coordinating a return, removing another asset from inventory under my name, and working with Property to locate literally any printer that may exist somewhere in NIH surplus.
At this point I am reasonably confident that the printer is not a device.
It is a philosophical concept.
I asked NIH property to give me whatever the hell they have in surplus. That was 2 months ago.