Starting to get the feeling that its just gonna be like this...

Stickman393

Stickman393

Well-known member
Yeah, 2021 has been a shit year

Lost my mum, took a big "L" on a three week strike with my union...basically got nothing out of it. The job has been getting increasingly dehumanizing with all the work that just keeps on piling on and all the overtime that we're expected to volunteer for and should we come up with anything less than absolute perfection we get a stern talkin' to...

And now...well...

I just learned that one of my best friends growing up...a guy I spent a lot of time with as a kid, was murdered. Shot by some insecure prick of a homeowner who thought he was trespassing, or something, on Christmas Day.

Not a lot of details yet. Don't know what happened. The police are investigating it as a homicide. Right now it's just...nothing.

So, fuck this noise. I don't even know what to say.
 
So sorry for your year overall and your friend getting killed is off the charts bad and sad. Take care of yourself and lean on us when you can. We're pulling for you.
 
Man, sorry to hear that, lost my mom a few years back, and it's always terrible to hear about tragedy's like your bud, I'll be be praying and hoping for a better New Year for you!
 
Man that's tough stuff of the highest order. Sorry to hear and best wishes for things getting better!
 
Echoing condolences. I know there isn’t much that anyone can say that really helps in these situations, but we are all here for you and sending love.

My inbox is always open if you ever need someone to vent to or talk with.
 
Damn that's awful! I can't believe that people keep getting shot there! Where I live nobody ever gets shot. It just doesn't happen. Worst thing that happens here is people shout a lot.

I doubt it helps but we had a terrible 2018/19. My wife's mum was diagnosed with a huge tumour near the end of 2018 and died early 2019. My dad had a stroke on boxing day 2018 and died on NYE. My sister who is a nutter harassed me for months about my dad's will, thinking she deserved more than everyone else. I was executor. My business died, my son was in a car accident, My wife had to go back to work.

But it gets better. We were really low for a long time. I flew over to Victoria to scatter my dad's ashes and my brother was only interested in showing off how cool his sad-ass car was. He seemed totally disinterested in dad.

What all this crap reminded me of is that I have the best wife in the world, a really cool son who is totally fine now and doing extremely well in his first job out of uni. My wife has a decent job that she enjoys now and I still get odd jobs here and there. I have connected with a new bunch of guys who are into guitars and they love my amps and pedals so we get along really well! We've nearly run out of parents (just one left) so with luck we'll not suffer any major tragedies again for a while. And where we live has almost zero covid - so we are incredibly lucky in that regard.

It does get easier and better. It just takes time. Stop watching news and looking at facebook etc. Social media is a major depressor. Just talk to people and enjoy each other's company. Play music with people if you can. Human interaction is the best thing IMO. As long as it's not with nutter siblings!
 
Really appreciate all the kind words. Not much information yet...I suppose it tends to be this way with homicide investigations. I've been checking the local news multiple times a day to try and get a little more context. Nothing is forthcoming...the police probably won't issue a statement until they make a decision to prosecute or not.

It doesn't make any sense to me...he was always a super positive kid. Family has deep roots in the japanese-american community, his grandma was in one of the japanese-american internment camps in the 40's. Hell...when he was 8 years old he was all over the local news because he got lost in a forest for three days. We went to elementary, middle, and high school together. He went off to UC Riverside afterwards, graduated, worked for a bit, and had just come back to the bay area.

He always seemed like he would be the most successful out of all of us...always positive, always looking to lend a hand to his friends, always loyal to the friendships he had made over the years. Never saw him get aggressive with anybody.

Everything about the story is strange...the person who called the police called because of a trespasser...but at 4AM. Turns out that was the homeowner who shot him. Don't know yet if they called immediately after they shot him, or what.

He would DJ from time to time, and would drive people home if they couldn't drive themselves. Best we can tell, that's what he was doing that night.
 
andare said:
We're all eating a giant s**t sandwich out here but some of us are taking huge bites.

My condolences.
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True that. Every time that plate of fine fine shit sammich comes knocking at my door I can smell it , and I salivate for it as I am no longer in control of my body I took 2 bites.

My condolences to you Stickman. Death F'n sucks no doubt but murder steps it up to a whole new F'ed up level. Hope they get it figured out so you and their family can get what little solace there is and maybe a bit of closure

And ya know I get protection. Of your home and family but to me unless you're already a whack job most normal people can assess situations and make smarter decisions than running getting a gun cause some one stepped on your lawn.
 
I’m sorry to hear that man. Losing family and friends is never easy. We only feel loss of someone if those relationships have meaningful impact on our lives. And having such relationships with friendships is a special part of the human condition. We can honor their memories by just that, remembering how they lived and how the impacted our world. In simpler words , remember the good times not how they left the party. Hope you find solace and closure and time to heal.
 
That truly sounds like a brutal end to a bad year. So sorry to hear you're going through it.
Sincere sympathies to his friends and family; yourself included.

And to the labour struggles - that's a hard fucking road, especially these days. But it's the right one. Do your best to keep fighting for your rights and the rights of your fellow workers. Solidarity to you and your shopmates, whatever field you're in.
 
Imma gonna vent a little bit here:

I'm SUPER pissed off at the news stories that refer to him as a "trespasser".

Nobody deserves their last moments to be wrapped up in a single derogatory noun, even if that was the case here.

But it's like, oh, hey, the police said that they were responding to a report of a trespasser, so it was probably "just" a vagrant looking for something to steal so they could get their next fix. Cardboard cut out. No real person involved. Move along. That certainly *seems* to be the implication.

I can only imagine what the headlines would be if they knew more about him...

He was a college graduate. He was an eagle scout. He had a steady job. He didn't abuse drugs; he preferred to be sober. His family has STUPID money, like holy crap, and he stood to inherit it all. He was living in a house, owned by his parents, that used to belong to his grandma that is now worth MILLIONS, not because of how nice it is, but because it's right next to the freaking apple campus.

I suppose that there is an element here of the downward trajectory of the quality of local journalism due to a significant lack of funding. But for fucks sake people...have some humanity.
 
Stickman393 said:
Imma gonna vent a little bit here:

I'm SUPER pissed off at the news stories that refer to him as a "trespasser".

Nobody deserves their last moments to be wrapped up in a single derogatory noun, even if that was the case here.

But it's like, oh, hey, the police said that they were responding to a report of a trespasser, so it was probably "just" a vagrant looking for something to steal so they could get their next fix. Cardboard cut out. No real person involved. Move along. That certainly *seems* to be the implication.

I can only imagine what the headlines would be if they knew more about him...

He was a college graduate. He was an eagle scout. He had a steady job. He didn't abuse drugs; he preferred to be sober. His family has STUPID money, like holy crap, and he stood to inherit it all. He was living in a house, owned by his parents, that used to belong to his grandma that is now worth MILLIONS, not because of how nice it is, but because it's right next to the freaking apple campus.

I suppose that there is an element here of the downward trajectory of the quality of local journalism due to a significant lack of funding. But for fucks sake people...have some humanity.
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Typical f'n news coverage Fa-a- thetic. Even the money your bro's family had was'nt enough to get better than that? Seriously, onto a more somber note............just HOW FUCKED UP OF A COUNTRY, WITH IT'S BULLSHIT, DOES IT HAVE TO GET for people to start recognizing something wrong here. I mean news coverage, grocery and oil prices , and the most basic ... health coverage that even wayyyyyy less rich countries can figure out how it works. This country is awesome because of it's awesome land and the diverse people NOT because of it's pathetic government AND oppressive laws. Sorry it just pisses me off ,people should die of old age and various diseases (sorry that's nature not me) NOT from one another. It is sad that at any time someone who wants another's life has an option to take it over the most lame of things at times. STUPIDITY and ANGER people let's get it in check.
here's my stats on those 2

Stupidity = anywhere from 10-40 % (*)
Anger = anywhere between 5-20%

neither gets me to take anothers life I'll NEVER have that "right" to or put myself in that position with ONE excption
You Do have the right to DEFEND yourself. My opinion.
* ( been told I been ultra uber stupid at times) but never both at the same time. That's the key right there
 
Anybody who thought my homie was a threat would have to be out of their minds.

Dude was barely over five foot. Didn't pack heat. The reason the news hasn't picked up any details is because this is a homicide...the cops are staying tight lipped.

Stupid money is a double-edged sword...too much publicity could potentially cause problems for the prosecution in terms of jury impartiality. And when I say stupid money...around these parts that's basically a comfortable upper middle class existence. I make upwards of 120k a year and I'm still living paycheck to paycheck...

Not that having that kind of money ought to sway reporting one way or another, honestly, but I get the sentiment.

Self-defense is a term that gets thrown around a bunch it seems. We're constantly inundated with fear porn about folks crashing into our homes while we're home and pulling an "In Cold Blood" on our family...but really, how many of us know anybody who's been through a home invasion when they were home?

Bad shit happens. People are capable of doing terrible things. It's absolutely true that if your life, or someone else's is in actual danger due to the actions of an aggressor that you do have the right to defend yourself and others. But most of us, thankfully, will never be in that sort of position. So why does it always seem to be so front of mind for us?

The idea of self-defense carries so much force in our minds that it becomes the go-to catch all for justifying lethal force against anybody...even when pleading self-defense strains credulity. It's a story that turns the victim into the villain, the wielder of lethal force into the hero.

The brave soldier that held their own against the onslaught of the unknown, foreign horde, bringing with them all their will to do mortal harm to you and yours. It's almost romantic, in a narcissistic way.

But the truth is messier. The truth is sometimes it's a misunderstanding. The truth is that sometimes there was no danger, but we imagine that we're living a life of such drama that this, absolutely, must be the moment where we bravely make our stand.

And what's left...a dead man that was loved by many. Ripples of pain radiating from a bullet like a stone skipping across a pond's surface.

And what becomes of the shooter? What if my friend was giving someone a ride home that was not in a state to drive themselves, and let's just say that maybe the shooter was this person's father? Maybe this father clung to traditional values in a way that blinded him to the fact that my friend was simply making sure they got home safely, and not corrupting their adult child? What if that adult child still relies on that father for financial support? What justice would it be to the person my friend wanted to help that night if their father is locked away in prison?

Fuck...that's just one hypothetical. One of the many that has cycled through my head over the last few days. There's no winning here. No prison sentence that will bring my friend back. No retribution that will make the world a better and more just place. Best case scenario: the shooter was a younger guy that was prone to youthful violence, and he's goes to prison long enough for those violent impulses to subside. The best case scenario is if action is taken so that nobody else dies.

So yeah, I agree. Shits pretty fucked up. People are capable of terrible things.
 
Stickman393 said:
The idea of self-defense carries so much force in our minds that it becomes the go-to catch all for justifying lethal force against anybody...even when pleading self-defense strains credulity. It's a story that turns the victim into the villain, the wielder of lethal force into the hero.
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I've lived in 2 separate countries and traveled to many others. One thing that is common is that most people feel the US has a toxic culture going on with respect to guns (and a few other items). I would be furious if something similar happened to a friend of mine and completely understand your anger and dismay.
 
@Stickman393, my condolences for the loss of your mom and your friend. Despite the tragedies you've experienced this year, I'd like to share one thing I've learned in this thread.

I've learned the positive backstory of your friend, a story that I may not have ever known had it not been for your sharing of his story. So while the details of the loss of your friend may not be well known yet, this tragedy does not define him, nor is it his legacy. Rather, his legacy lives on through the memories you share of him. Although the circumstances are not ideal, these memories of a selfless, compassionate, and kind person shared by a close friend remain the legacy that most of us will take away. I hope that you and your friend's family find peace and that 2022 brings triumphs far greater than the tragedies you've experienced in 2021.
 
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