Finding a band gets harder and harder...

H

HamishR

Well-known member
I've been in a lot of bands in my time. Some which never got to gigging, plenty which did gig (and I kinda wish hadn't) and some which were relatively successful and played loads of gigs. One which even got played on national radio! But as you get older it seems harder and harder to find people to play with. All the guys I used to gig with don't want to any more. So I'm left to looking through classified ads which is depressing!

I had a call recently from a piano player I had jammed with last year, saying he had found a great singer, upright bass player and drummer for us to form a rockabilly/jump blues band - my areas of speciality. So I spent two weeks learning ten songs - some which were a bit of a puzzle considering the genre - but overall good songs. Some really tricky ones too!

So I turned up and the drummer played straight-ahead rock just fine but really couldn't do a shuffle. The bass player was quite good and could actually play rockabilly and jump blues well. The keys guy had trouble distinguishing between major and minor keys but the best thing was how truly excruciatingly awful the singer was. I wanted to leave after one song but you know how it is...

And the singer stank - literally and figuratively. Pitch all over the place, terrible timing, sang over EVERY SINGLE guitar solo, and never knew when to come in. So when I spoke to the keys guy who organised it today he said he thought the singer showed great potential. I forgot to ask potential in what? because it sure as hell wasn't in singing. Overall it was really dispiriting because I really wanted it to be good.

So still I search...
 
That sucks! I feel like the Dunning-Krueger effect is strong in the music community. Some of the most confident performers I've played with were also the weakest. Keep on grinding, I've dissolved bands only to reform with out one of the members a week later. You may not look like a sweetheart but cancerous limbs get amputated.
A good friend of mine started playing in this jam band where the bass player would hammer major scales and licks over minor progressions. That dude had so much fancy ass vintage gear too. How do you buy multiple alembics before you learn the minor scale???
 
HamishR said:
I've been in a lot of bands in my time. Some which never got to gigging, plenty which did gig (and I kinda wish hadn't) and some which were relatively successful and played loads of gigs. One which even got played on national radio! But as you get older it seems harder and harder to find people to play with. All the guys I used to gig with don't want to any more. So I'm left to looking through classified ads which is depressing!

I had a call recently from a piano player I had jammed with last year, saying he had found a great singer, upright bass player and drummer for us to form a rockabilly/jump blues band - my areas of speciality. So I spent two weeks learning ten songs - some which were a bit of a puzzle considering the genre - but overall good songs. Some really tricky ones too!

So I turned up and the drummer played straight-ahead rock just fine but really couldn't do a shuffle. The bass player was quite good and could actually play rockabilly and jump blues well. The keys guy had trouble distinguishing between major and minor keys but the best thing was how truly excruciatingly awful the singer was. I wanted to leave after one song but you know how it is...

And the singer stank - literally and figuratively. Pitch all over the place, terrible timing, sang over EVERY SINGLE guitar solo, and never knew when to come in. So when I spoke to the keys guy who organised it today he said he thought the singer showed great potential. I forgot to ask potential in what? because it sure as hell wasn't in singing. Overall it was really dispiriting because I really wanted it to be good.

So still I search...
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I stopped in the middle of one of those, and said this isn’t working. The singer tried to sing as many lyrics as fast as he could, damndest thing.
 
I knew this guitarist that could play amazingly well. It was awesome, a dream come true. I immediately invited him to join my band. He couldn’t play with a band at all, it was terrible and disappointing because he could play solo so well.
 
They can’t all be winners.... most of them aren’t, Myself included🤣 that’s why being in a good band that clicks is such a magical experience... we have all that that moment (I think) the high water mark, that one high you got that no other drug could ever touch. And we chased it in vey band, every Jam, every solo project... but it’s hard to put lighting in a bottle... doesn’t mean we stop trying in one respect or another.... I may be in my 40s now but I will forever be 23 when I pick up my guitar... good thing it’s not in front of anyone now days I probably just look ridiculous 🤣
 
jimilee said:
I knew this guitarist that could play amazingly well. It was awesome, a dream come true. I immediately invited him to join my band. He couldn’t play with a band at all, it was terrible and disappointing because he could play solo so well.
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Yeah, playing in a band is definitely a separate skill from playing proficiently. Thing is sometimes it’s worth giving somebody the time to work some of that out. Maybe with in a month or two things would fall in place.

Something to keep in mind is that if you got into this stuff in your teens or twenties we didn’t need patience cause we were all working it out with our band mates who were probably at about the same level. Now that we are older it’s weird to sit down with people who are older but new to being in a band.

That said it’s been over a decade since I’ve played a gig, and I still miss it. One of these days I’m going to have an old man band who plays loud as f”ck and it’s going to be awesome.
 
Mentaltossflycoon said:
That sucks! I feel like the Dunning-Krueger effect is strong in the music community. Some of the most confident performers I've played with were also the weakest. Keep on grinding, I've dissolved bands only to reform with out one of the members a week later. You may not look like a sweetheart but cancerous limbs get amputated.
A good friend of mine started playing in this jam band where the bass player would hammer major scales and licks over minor progressions. That dude had so much fancy ass vintage gear too. How do you buy multiple alembics before you learn the minor scale???
Click to expand...
There are plenty of folks around with more money than talent!
 
"If you build it well you're going to need a big check in exchange so don't expect to ever hear anyone play your instruments well."
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I agree with this heartbreaking statement. Why Fox keep doing it if he thinks like that ? cynicism ?
 
I’ve tried putting together a band for years now. I’m 22, been trying since I was 12. The good musicians are all too cliquey and all have too many prior commitments, everyone I’ve found who expressed interest wound up being horrible. It doesn’t help that the only music scenes on Long Island seem to be Hardcore, Pop Punk, Metalcore, and “old-guys-in-acoustic-duos: the genre”.
 
Love of the craft, truly an artist at heart, he receives those checks whenever he feels like firing up the shop. Truly if you make something worthy of over 8 grand it's going to get babied. Nobody's gonna take that on the road outside of the celebrity status folk. I don't think he was being particularly negative, just jokey and honest about the experience of selling some fancy shit to some fancy hacks. I highly recommend his school though. Dudes a legend and I have nothing but positive things to say about my time there.
 
Bricksnbeatles said:
I’ve tried putting together a band for years now. I’m 22, been trying since I was 12. The good musicians are all too cliquey and all have too many prior commitments, everyone I’ve found who expressed interest wound up being horrible. It doesn’t help that the only music scenes on Long Island seem to be Hardcore, Pop Punk, Metalcore, and “old-guys-in-acoustic-duos: the genre”.
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I feel like, and in my experience, this can be good for networking. If you can break into the scene and network, you can meet better quality musicians. As an example, from what I've read, that's the way the Seattle scene was and got started back in the 90s. Just a thought, I know it doesn't apply to every situation and scene.
 
Coming from a background in our city's once thriving original music scene (oh the '80s and even early '90s here were amazing) the state of live music is a bit tragic these days. I played in lots of bands, from Cocteau Twins/Cure inspired early on to Gothic (although nobody called it that back then) to rockabilly and jump blues more recently and all sorts in between. I always pictured myself in my later years as an old man sitting on a stool playing blues in a bar somewhere... Tried a blues band recently and hated it! I seem to prefer the dancier, more upbeat rock'n'roll styles these days. And I'm not that old guy just yet.

I know a lot of musos, but unfortunately most of them play guitar. Most of the singers I have known who were good are burnt out these days, which is a real shame. They have no desire to play again. Sometimes I wonder why I want to play any more - I think it's (a) to justify having such extraordinary gear, and (b) I'm chasing that rush that Paradox describes above. There is no better feeling than playing in a band which is all on the same level, all working together to play the song and you feel like one part of something bigger. And when it's a song you've written and worked on with the band it's so much better. Best feeling in the world.
 
Don't know if I ever want to do the band thing again, but I do enjoy playing with others, especially when everyones working for the same goal to take the song to another level, I can't imagine if I ever did write a song that I'd want it to stay exactly the same, I'd want it to grow and touch even more people, or at least someone!
 
I have found myself in bands a few times in the past, first in high school, where my best friend and I were the brains of the band, then as I grew older I ended up with less than ideal bands, but I tend to roll with the punches and, as others mentioned, once you start playing around and meeting other people things get better. I found some really good musicians and bands here in NYC, but I got in by dealing with the weirdest situations... I also feel like after a certain age it gets harder and harder to make friends and thus find musicians. After the kids were born (I have 5-yo twins) I had to take a break from gigging, but now that they are 5 I really want to get back into it. It's hard, especially in a pandemic.
 
giovanni said:
I have found myself in bands a few times in the past, first in high school, where my best friend and I were the brains of the band, then as I grew older I ended up with less than ideal bands, but I tend to roll with the punches and, as others mentioned, once you start playing around and meeting other people things get better. I found some really good musicians and bands here in NYC, but I got in by dealing with the weirdest situations... I also feel like after a certain age it gets harder and harder to make friends and thus find musicians. After the kids were born (I have 5-yo twins) I had to take a break from gigging, but now that they are 5 I really want to get back into it. It's hard, especially in a pandemic.
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Well, it does actually turn around once you hit mid-life and you and your forty-five year old buddies try to recapture youth!
 
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I really miss playing live. I keep up with my old guitarist who is really good at putting a song together. He's been getting in to doing a little bit of recording and producing out of his house. He's got a good ear and we get along really well musically considering that we have entirely different views on music and what we listen to.

He likes my bass playing and I'm pretty sure our drummer is available. Hopefully in the new year we'll be able to start practicing a bit and get some new songs together. I'm still too paranoid to play in a bar or club right now, honestly, in particular because of my daughter who is too young to get the vaccine. We'll see how things shake out after the holidays I guess.
 
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